Smutty Shorts II
by Sashocirrione
Summary: My second collection of shorts that I felt could not stand alone as separate fics. Each chapter is a separate ficlet. Warnings are individual to each chapter. Varied pairings.
1. Coffee Creamer

**Title:** "Smutty Shorts II"

**Author:** Sashocirrione

**Spoilers:** Depending on the ficlet involved, expect there to potentially be MAJOR spoilers for the entire series.

**Warnings:** NO UNDERAGE READERS. See author's notes at beginning of each chapter to see which warnings apply to that ficlet. **Some are likely to be extremely gross, extremely violent or contain disturbing things.**

**Summary: **My second collection of shorts that I felt could not stand alone as separate fics. Each chapter is a separate ficlet (the first chapter starts just below).

**Pairings: **See author's notes at the beginnings of individual chapters for the pairing(s) that will be in that chapter.

**Additional Notes: **None.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1 of "Smutty Shorts II"**

**Chapter Title: **"Coffee Creamer"

**Author: **Sashocirrione

**Spoilers:** Minor spoilers for up to the end of the Yotsuba arc

**Warnings:** NO UNDERAGE READERS. Sexual references. Crack fiction and OOC. Gross.

**Summary:** L finds something gross in his coffee.

**Pairings:** Implied LxLight attraction, along with implied past LxOC

**Additional Notes:** Has almost nothing to do with canon, and I must credit anonymous commenters from the kink meme for some of the dialogue.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

L sipped at the edge of his coffee cup, delicately pinching the handle between a thumb and forefinger, then looked down into the cup, tilted his head to the side and stared into it. In a monotonous voice, he said, "This is obviously semen."

The statement took a few moments to register with the rest of the task force.

"Wh-what!" Soichiro stammered, as the others all turned to look almost at the same moment. Light stopped typing and spun his chain to face L, the chain pooling on the floor between them with a series of clicks against the tiles.

L swirled the cup while staring into it intensely with his big, owlish eyes. "Yes," he said, "the viscosity is utterly unlike coffee creamer, and furthermore, it tastes like semen. There is a seventy-five percent chance it is Light's, a fifty-four percent chance it is his father's. Hmmm... it requires a certain level of intelligence to think of sealing the semen inside coffee creamer cups, and I doubt Matsuda has that kind of intelligence."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

L ignored Matsuda and continued with, "Therefore, I'm assigning Matsuda a forty-five percent and Aizawa a thirty-five percent."

"Why is my percentage higher than Aizawa's?"

"Because Aizawa dislikes me and he would not take the time to masturbate and would instead simply spit in my coffee. On the other hand, there is a chance that you may be attracted to me, Matsuda, therefore your percentage is higher."

"None of us would do that," Soichiro said, "you have.. you must have mistaken... how would you even know what it tastes like?"

"You have a very high opinion of your son, to judge the things he would not do. Mogi, take a sample to the lab. Test the DNA."

Mogi stepped forward, bringing a small evidence kit in a plastic bag out of an inner coat pocket. As soon as he had finished, L threw the rest of the coffee on Light.

"Ryuzaki!"

"I did not burn you, Light, I only returned what was yours."

Light launched himself at L fist-first, but his fist exactly met L's foot and then they both tumbled down together. Light quickly rolled on top, pinned L underneath him and growled, "You didn't even notice the picture of a penis I made with a toothpick while your back was turned."

"Oh, was that a penis? I couldn't tell because it was so small."

Light punched L in the face and stiffened in pain a moment later as L kicked him in a very sensitive spot.

"You bastard," he hissed, trying to get up and go at L again, but his father and Aizawa were already between them, blocking the fight.

L picked himself up nonchalantly and crawled back into his chair, perching there like some odd bird. He rubbed his lower lip with a thumb and softly mused, "Light, at some point in the future my semen will be in your food. However, unlike you, I won't get caught. You will never know when it happens."

* * *

**A/N (Author's Note):**

This is a kink meme fill, with lines of dialogue and plot suggestions taken from anonymous commenters to that fill. Because they are anonymous, I cannot credit them by name, but if you go to the kink meme you can look and see these anonymous comments.

The request says:

"Light gets "creamer" for L's coffee but it's really Light's cum. L notices. It is up to the writer how long until L notices (before he drinks it or after?) and what, if anything, it leads to.

However, L must say at some point: "This is obviously semen" (or he can give a percentage if writer wishes)."


	2. Flash Fill

**CHAPTER 2 of "Smutty Shorts II"**

**Chapter Title: **"Flash Fill"

**Author:** Sashocirrione

**Spoilers:** Spoilers for up to nearly the end of the series

**Warnings:** NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rape and sexual activities.

**Summary:** Kira wins and keeps Near as a sex slave.

**Pairings:** Light/Near rape plus implied past LightxL

**Additional Notes:** AU from before the fic starts

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

Soft sucking sounds.

His lips were bruised, but Kira demanded more.

Lidner, Gevanni, Rester, they were all dead, their bodies stinking for days. Kira alone has the power and Near was helpless.

Kira was stronger, larger.

It pulled free of his lips, still engorged, and Near knew what that meant. He knelt on all fours, and Kira was sickeningly gentle, preparing him with slow, wet fingers, placing soft kisses all along the back of his neck.

Kira was gasping, "L, L... you like this, you want me."

Near knew that from behind, the black hair-dye made the illusion better.

Rhythm. Rocking.

Tight, stretching. A firm hand stroking him. Kira wanted him to orgasm. It happened, as it always did. Kira got what he wanted.

And then, the shout.

"L, I'm coming!"

Afterwards, Near was shoved away, discarded. If he watched Kira's tears, it would be worse for him.

* * *

**A/N (Author's Note):**

This is a very quick fill for a request on the Death Note Kink Meme #2 (actually, it is an old request, so it carries over from the first kink meme). I couldn't think of a title, thus the title "Flash Fill" which is just about how short this is rather than the content.

The request says:

Light/Near, nonconsensual/rape, Light outwardly treating Near as a "replacement L."


End file.
